It Started When The Golden Destroyer Rolled in Moose Poop...

What a day.  I was fine - I got to visit with Buffy the Mane Slayer and now have gorgeous tresses.  When I got home Devoted Spouse was outside with manly man power tools cutting wood for chair seats for church.  Fun.  He did 16.  Ouch.  I thought I would be nice and feed the Golden Destroyer and take her outside.  I did not use her leash.  She found the closest dead thing (generically referred to as Moose Poop) and rolled in it.  It was black and greasy and gooey and she stunk to high heaven.  I quickly blocked off the house - no access to any furniture or the bedrooms.  Then I tried to spray her with Doggie Smell Good - fat lotta good that did.  I had an early evening appointment.  When I came home, up to the shower the whole family went to scrub EmmaLou but we couldn't find the doggie shampoo.  I searched high and low repeatedly.  Finally I found it and much to my dismay I found something else along with the shampoo.  I found that my favorite appliance in the kitchen...my 190 degee instant hot water dispenser had rusted out the bottom and the cupboard wall next to it (under the kitchen sink) was warped meaning it had definitely leaked sometime in the past.  So maybe EmmaLou rolling in moose poop was a good thing?  All I know is Wednesday Devoted Spouse will be going to the Big Orange Box of Toys to find a new instant hot water dispenser for mama so she can have her cups of tea when she desires.  See all that dark stuff on bottom of the white box in the picture?  The white box is the instant hot water heater and all that gook is not a good sign. That's where it has rusted out.  Ruh-roh.   Oh crap on a crutch!

Conspiracy Theory # 273

If all the charities and the cutesy animal places send you enough return address labels, you will be so inundated with labels that you will feel obligated to use them on an envelope to which you will affix a very expensive postal stamp, thus keeping the Postal Service afloat.  The pic below is probably 1/3 of the actual amount of free labels I have been sent in the mail in the last few months.  I have more upstairs in my crap room   craft room   home office   study   nest  and didn't feel like dragging all of them out.  Maybe my next artwork will be made up entirely of return address labels...  oh crap on a crutch.

^&%(&^ Stoopid Light

I spent 3 hours hanging out at the local coffee house, drinking iced tea, hot mocha, eating veggie soup, and I also downed a spinach veggie wrap.  I searched countless places on the net, I read and answered all my email, I FaceBooked (is that a verb now?) I Twittered, I even read the news.  I worked on future blog posts for all THREE blogs.  Only to find out the mechanic couldn't get the &^%&&^% engine bolt off and he was gonna be at least another 2 hours.  I called Devoted Spouse who came and got me and took me home.  Two hours later the car was fixed - it had new spark wires, new plugs, new this, new that, some type of fuel system clean-out (which I imagine was just a way for them to make another $99 off me) and I paid them something very close to $500.00.  I got in my car, turned over the engine, and lo and behold the Check Engine Light DID NOT come on.  Yay.  Done.  Go home, be happy.

Sunday as I'm driving home from church I got a funny feeling on the back of my neck.  Ya know when something is wrong but you don't know what it is?  It's eerie, that's what it is.  Devoted Spouse and I go inside the house, goof off for awhile and decide we want a pizza.  So I call a pizza for pick-up and ten minutes later go out to my car, get in, put key in ingnition, turn over engine and guess what pops up?  &^&%$%%% CHECK ENGINE LIGHT.   Grrr...  Guess who will be parked out front of her mechanics shop first thing as he opens Monday morning?  Oh Crap on a Crutch!

I'm a Doctor, Jim, Not a Mechanic...(Star Trek circa 1960 something)

So there I am just toolin along down the road singing a song and having a good day and the dreaded Check Engine Light comes on...AGAIN.  I just had this POC car in the shop the other day when the same Check Engine Light came on and when they hooked it up to whatever it is they hook it up to all the sensors came on.  Mike the Mechanic said, "Linda, sometimes this happens and it's probably a fluke so I reset the light.  Drive it around for a few days and if it comes back on call me. No charge."   Me:  "Okey dokey".  Today POC car goes back to Rodney the Wundermechanic and yes, there IS a problem.  In fact there are a series of problems. Uber charge.   But it's drivable short-term (read:  until tomorrow when he has parts).  I know how to fix this:  I'm just going to stop looking at the stoopid dashboard.  Oh crap on a crutch!

Invasion of the Worms Continues

Where do they think they're going?  Worm Mecca?  We are still under attack - Devoted Spouse has literally been sweeping worms off the front porch and still the slimy little monsters are sneaking in under the door.  Today I rolled up a "doggie" towel and placed it in front of our door, and the little buggers are climbing over the towel somehow.  Devoted Spouse will shortly go to the Big Orange Box of Toys for some new and improved weatherstripping because I'm tired of both of us worm-wrangling.  Dangitall it's still too cold to fish or I might be happy about this.  Oh crap on a crutch.

How Can Something So Simple Be So Difficult?

All I wanted to do was follow a blog - a nice blog made up of lovely writers who have asked me to maybe join them occasionally - so I followed their blog.  The problem was I wanted my regular name Linda (since everybody knows my name {shades of Cheers} to be linked to my photo.)  But, no, that wasn't what Google wanted to do.  Google put my "nickname" in which I listed on my Google profile as Croneandbearit since that's how folks know me from my main blog.  Are you with me so far?  I tried to edit my profile, I saved my changes, I went back to this lovely new blog, still under construction, and who am I showing up as now?  LKay - well LKay is from my gmail address - Gah....trotting back to Google and trying again.  I type in "Linda", I hit save changes, I close it out, I go BACK to the lovely new blogging venture Words of Wisdom (plug, plug - Sandy & Pam are good people) and there is my picture as one of their followers and the name attached is STILL Croneandbearit.  Gah...I email Sandy and laugh like a hyena as I am telling her of my name woes.  And then I just give up and live with it.  I know by now Sandy is convinced I am a raving lunatic from all my emails.  She's probably regretting inviting me to the new blog.  Sigh... I'm technologically challenged today and there are other things to do.  Oh crap on a crutch.

Snap! Part Two in The Camera Saga

So there I am trying to take a pic of EmmaLou with my lil GE camera and I click on the button and this message pops up - MEMORY FULL.  Huh?  How can the memory be full?  I have a 4 gig SD card in this puppy - so I try again...she's still in the "cute position"...MEMORY FULL.  Gah...WTHeck is going on with this stoopid camera?  I flip it over, open the battery section and lo and behold there is NO SD card.  Hmmm... Oh yeah...there it is just sitting on the table of disgrace by my comfy chair. So I had to grab the Nikon instead and yes, the dog moved so no cute pic of her this time.  Note to self: Put the memory card IN the camera.  Oh crap on a crutch.

Snap! Look What I Did

There I was...the perfect shot all ready...nobody was breathing...EmmaLou was in an award-winning position...this was going to be the picture to end all pictures.. The Nikon was set perfectly -- all the little F-stop thingies, etc. at their proper place...She points...she doublechecks the lens cap is off...she aims...she presses the little button...and this comes up:

SHUTTER RELEASE DISABLED.  RECHARGE BATTERY

Oh crap on a crutch.

Maybe Omaha Steaks Need to Diet...

Went to my fav place...Omaha Steaks to pick up some manly-man carnivorous red meat for Devoted Spouse and some fabulous marinated salmon for me.  We have that new, terribly-expensive-not-quite-paid-for-yet French Door refrigerator as my 11 faithful readers from Crone and Bear It are aware.  We unpack the large bag of foodstuffs and begin to put the boxes (yes Omaha Steaks packs all its food in nice cardboard boxes) into the freezer.  But the boxes are too large to fit in the freezer so out they come.  Devoted Spouse opens all the boxes and I had to do the magic freezer prayer (Dear Lord, please make this stuff fit, Amen) to get all the individual steaks and salmon goodies squished into the freezer compartment.  Did I mention it took forever to unpack all the goodies and then find room for the now-individual packages in the freezer?    Oh crap on a crutch.

Let Me Introduce You to the Golden Destroyer

My 11 faithful readers of Crone and Bear It know I am owned by an adorable 6 year old Golden Retriever named EmmaLou - whom I refer to as my Golden Destroyer.  She has her own page at my home blog and you can see and read some of her adventures over there.  But today since this is my Crap page, I will share with you her latest round of shenanigans.  Because she tends to rip up my furniture with her nails, or chews on the cushions and I have to keep replacing couches, I went to one of my favorite hangouts Le Tarzhay and found a lovely and large dog bed for her.  Now this was not a $10.99 bed; no, it cost me the equivalent of a nice lunch for 3 at The Cheesecake Factory.  But she is my precious pup and deserves comfort in a bed.  It took awhile for her to understand that the couch was not her bed; her bed was now that huge blue plaid matressy-looking thing on the floor.  Once she got used to it, she found it was comfy.  Her mama even gave her an old couch pillow for her head.  (Awwwww)  Problem:  EmmaLou became bored one day and decided to look for buried treasure in her new bed.  She ripped apart one side and proceeded to pull out the stuffing; some of which she ate as a tasty snack.  EmmaLou then decided to reclaim her rightful place back on the family room couch. In the pics below you will see her at her bed contemplating eating the stuffing she has just torn out and also the return to her "rightful bed".    Oh crap on a crutch.

Well It Is Spring, Isn't It?

Remember the old ghoulish song...the worms crawl in the worms crawl out, the worms play pinochle on your snout?  Well, it has been raining here to the point of Devoted Spouse looking for some of Noah's leftover gopher wood to fashion our own ark.  One of the funny parts of rain and our house is there is a very slight opening under our front door (I know we're not energy efficient) and occasionally if it is raining hard we get "visitors".  The other day we must have had twenty of the little guys just rambling down our front hall -- Devoted Spouse captured them before I could get a good pic but I did find one lone wandering worm...oh crap on a crutch.

Oopsie My Bad...

Ya know that light that didn't work?  And did I mention that I sent Devoted Spouse to the Big Orange Toy Box to find a new switch and that when he got home it took him time to install it?  And did I also happen to mention that when the new switch was installed and he flipped the little switch thingie the light DID NOT come on?

Guess what?  Giggle.  I had another switch that worked that light in another room and the dimmer was turned all the way down.  That's why the light wouldn't come on.

Devoted Spouse wasn't too upset - after all, he DID get a free trip to Home Despot...oh crap on a crutch!

Handyman Anyone?

All I wanted to do was turn the hall light on this morning.  Not a big deal.  Nothing happened when I flipped the switch.  All the other lights work.  Not the one I want.  That's because this is the crap I live with in midlife.  Now Devoted Spouse has tools on the table, extra light switches out and has gone to the big Orange Box of Toys to pick up more electrical goodies so he can fix this problem.  Wish he would tackle the leaking roof.  Oh crap on a crutch.