This Ain't No Trading Spaces

I absolutely hate, loathe, and abhor the time period known as 'redecorating'.  Ack.  It's driving me totally over the edge.  My dining room is unusable because it holds all the crap that was in the living room antique armoire.  My living room is unusable because... well...it's still being painted!  What's truly annoying is even though there is just the first coat, these pictures don't show you how lovely this shade of green is. Ack. You will just have to trust me that Mountain Haze from Behr Paint is a gorgeous color for a living room.  I know..I know... it will look better when the furniture arrives and all is put back where it belongs.  In the meantime,  EmmaLou, Golden Destroyer is distraught at being literally barred from both rooms by baby gates. And I can't even use my comfy chair because that will get in the way of Handsome Paint Dude. And, without hurting his feelings, how do I tactfully tell him he missed a spot over here...and over there... and oh gah... oh crap on a crutch... 

This used to be my dining room ACK



Part of my unusable living room & my lonely comfy chair  sob



Not gettin' me up on that ladder, no sir

Yikes! Now I'm Writing Excuses to AMVETS

Yes, once again I find myself having to explain EmmaLou, Golden Destroyer's bad behavior to someone.  Thursday evening I had two large trash bags packed with goodies for AMVETS to pick up.  The bags were placed close to our front door so Devoted Spouse could put them on front porch first thing Friday morning.  The nice AMVETS lady always sends me a postcard which is supposed to be attached to one of the bags.  I attached the postcard and within five minutes I walked back into the foyer to find EmmaLou, Golden Destroyer, had ripped the postcard off the bag and had it in tatters all over the floor.  Out came the scotch tape and I actually found myself writing a note on the card to the nice AMVETS people - "Sorry - Dog chewed card."  I am soon to be the laughing stock of AMVETS.... Oh crap on a crutch!

The Things One Finds Under the Family Couch (Gasp!)

So there we were, Devoted Spouse and I, Pastor Steve, and another nice gentleman from the church, all moving my couch, love seat, and that antique glass coffee table to a truck to be delivered to our church for their Flea Market on Saturday. It's way past time for the furniture to get a new home and with my balance lately I just know I'm gonna take a header into that glass coffee table.  Ya'll know that flowery couch I'm talking about -- you've seen it in enough EmmaLou pictures...here this will remind you:

Anyway, it was on its way out of the living room when lo and behold we found treasure under the couch.  I couldn't believe my eyes -- there on the floor was the following:

Yes, your eyes do not deceive you -- two guns were under my living room couch unbeknownst to me.  The one closest to the crutch is an Italian Flintlock (a Pedersoli for those of you who are into guns) and the one on the top was in Devoted Spouse's family -- it dates to before the Civil War and it's a percussion cap Kentucky rifle made by CM Cox.  Ummmm.... both of these pieces of treasure NOW reside in the gun safe, thank you very much.  I thought I'd beat Pastor Steve to the web with this story!  Oh crap on a crutch...

Wait a Minute...YOU'RE the Expert

One of my favorite retail sites is Amazon.com.  I obtain quite a few of my books there, both hard copy, and e-books for my Kindle.  To keep up-to-date on my favorite authors, I signed up for an email newsletter which announces the latest titles in the genres of reading material I enjoy.  Sounds simple so far, eh?  For the past couple of months I have received a newsletter on the latest books of that particular month...and it's entirely in code.  Ya know... this stuff:  <style> img {display: block;} .ai {display:inline;} td {line-height:12px;} </style > <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="654" align="center" bgcolor="#ffffff" > <tr> <td alignof  I emailed them with the issue and they wrote back:  "Check your email preferences and make sure you have marked 'HTML with text and pictures'".  I checked and sure enough that's what I had requested.  The next month here comes the newsletter once again in code.  I emailed the issue and THIS time they tell me to make my preference "text only."  I don't WANT text only - I want to SEE the picture of the book.   I'm a consumer...I like to see what I may or may not be buying.  It seems to me this should be a pretty simple fix on their end.  Because it is being handled by someone who obviously doesn't understand the issue...I have my own solution.  I canceled all the newsletters from Amazon.com.  Oh crap on a crutch....

You're Just Telling Me This NOW?

This may look like an ordinary trash can, but it isn't.  It is indeed a trash can...a rather large one at that.  But it holds the dry dog kibble for EmmaLou, Golden Destroyer - about 40 pounds at one time.  That's about $80 or so worth of doggie kibble.  It's special doggie kibble because poor EmmaLou has skin allergies so she can't eat your standard doggie kibble...no, she has to have special Fish and Chips, er, I mean Fish and Potatoes from Iams only obtainable at the vet's office.

Today I get a call from the Assistant Vet to tell me that Iams has issued a recall of all their specialty cat and dog food because the plant was tainted with salmonella....oh and she warned me I should wash my hands very well.  Excuse me???  I've had this for several weeks now...the recall went out earlier for cat food and you're just NOW calling me to tell me it includes dog food too, AND to wash my flippin' hands?  How about asking me if my dog has had any ill effects from this %$^$%^ food?  How about giving me BACK the $70 or $80 I paid for this food minus maybe $10 worth she already has been subjected to.  Oh Crap On a Crutch!

Paint FAIL

It was only a matter of time.  The painters have done such a good job.  But stuff happens.  This morning my painters arrived with 2 more gallons of stain/paint as the fence is simply sucking it up like a sponge (speaking of my aching checking account....) And then the inevitable happened.  Painter Jr. kicked the bucket.  Literally -- well it was an accident of course...but 2 gallons of yellow paint rolled down the yard.  I managed to catch a pic as he was hosing it off - this is what is left - I can't imagine what it DID look like. And yes...Painter Sr. just left for the paint store and I'm hunting for my checkbook...Oh crap on a crutch! 

Mr. Coffee Died a Horrible Death Today

All I wanted was a cup of coffee.  EmmaLou, Golden Destroyer had awakened me at the horrid hour of 5:00 a.m. and I was definitely foggy-headed.  Fortunately the night before, Devoted Spouse had prepared the coffee pot -- all I had to do was press the On button.  I pressed the On button.  About 10 minutes later I heard the lovely "ding" sound that means the coffee is ready.  I rushed to the kitchen in anticipation and found Mr. Coffee had a terminal case of coffee coming out his bottom - literally there was coffee (all 10 cups) all over my counter and dripping down onto cupboards and floor.  I did a quick mopping up (to save the cupboards and some longabarger baskets in danger of drowning) prior to this pic.  Another Mr. Coffee bites the dust.  Never again.  No, never again.  Oh crap on a crutch.