RIP POC PC... Say Hello to My New Friend

All I ever wanted was a decent laptop so I could work, play, read email and write stuff.  I don't think that's asking too much.  In the past 8 or so years I have been through at least 4 maybe even 5 PCs -- I've lost count.  The PC in the below pic is fortunately still under warranty but is experiencing death rattles; hence the new silver beauty above it.  And, yes, the amount of money I've sunk into computers lately certainly has to have made a positive dent in our local economy (to the detriment of my checking account) ...oh crap on a crutch.

I've Been Breathing WHAT???!!!

Most of you know appliances and me are like oil and water -- we don't mix well.  Whatever appliance I have is guaranteed to either break or malfunction.  Trust me on this.

In mid December we replaced the last appliance in this house that hadn't gone kaput -- the gas hot water heater.  Fortunately, we caught it at the slight leak stage, not the 50-gallon flood stage (been there, done that, got the flippin' merit badge). 

Out comes our handy-dandy Appliance Company/Plumber/Heater/AC/All-Around Do Everything With Appliances Company to take away old gas hot water heater and install new "energy-efficient" gas hot water heater and charge us the equivalent of a mortgage payment.  Ouch.  Woot.  It's done.  I can breathe easier...and do the dishes once more.

The day before Christmas we receive a postcard in the mail from our County Plumbing Inspector notifying us that the "Company" took out a permit to install the gas hot water heater.  Thus, the County must come inspect.

This morning (27 Dec 2010) a rather surly fellow appears at my door.  "Good morning," I say in my chipper voice.  "D'ya know that having your water hose still attached to your faucet out front means in Spring that faucet will break?" he snarls at me.   "You must be Scott," I reply, my teeth beginning to grind. 

I yell upstairs for Devoted Spouse....no answer.  Scott-the-Inspector says, "I can find it by myself."  With my happy face...I flipped on the basement light and said, "Knock yourself out." 

I returned to my Twittering and Frittering.

Devoted Spouse meanders to the basement in search of  Scott-the-Inspector.  I hear rumbles and grumbles and heavy footsteps.  Ruh-Roh.

Scott-the-Inspector whips out his cell phone and makes a call.  Looks at me in my comfy chair and mutters something about a pipe not installed correctly and he has to call a plumber.  Oopsie - we failed inspection.

Oopsie again -- Scott-the-Installer called the wrong plumber.  Snort.  The correct installers are on their way.  Devoted Spouse is leaving to volunteer at church.  That's a good thing because he doesn't want to be here when the "Company" arrives.  This redheaded-stepchild is workin' up quite a head of steam -- you see for the past few weeks we have been living in a house and breathing what Scott-the-Inspector terms, "gas exhaust".  Now I realize that's not the same as a gas leak -- but it can't be good. The "Company" Field Rep and the General Manager for their Plumbing Operations WILL be accompanying the repair crew today.  Don't mess with the red-headed stepchild... Oh Crap on a Crutch.


That space right above the bottom rung of crutch is a separation in the pipe.  Nasty!



The Fail here is the white cap above the water heater but below that silver pipe should not be tilting downward

All That and the Kitchen Sink Too

All I wanted was some non-softened water to feed my plants.  So off I trot to the faucet in the kitchen with the Brita filter on it.  Ez Pz right?  Wrong.  It won't give filtered water.  The little green light that's supposed to blink several times then stop to signifiy the water is "safe" to drink was a steady green.  Now, Devoted Spouse had replaced the filter not long ago.  Shoot...he even went so far as to put a new battery in this thing.  And still it defied me with it's stupid non-blinking green light.  My plants were suffering the effects.

Off I trot to Bed, Bath & Beyond w/my 20% coupon in hand to buy a new filter.  Aha, I think to myself...I'm going to be smart and buy a different type of filter this time.  Say "hello" to my new little PUR filter... oh and guess what?  It spurts water like a flippin' geyser every time you turn on the tap -- Devoted Spouse assures me it just isn't a tight enough fit yet.  I'm thinkin' my appliance curse has now reared it's ugly head once again....

   

A Lil Somethin' Extra in my News Today

I don't ask for much.  I don't expect much.  That way I'm not disappointed.  I subscribe to our city newspaper even though most of it is news I have already located online. I don't always care for the politics but that's not really relevant to this story.  There is something about physically turning over each page in a newspaper that I find satisfying.  Tactile.  Can't get that from my Kindle. Today I got to the OpEd section of my Dayton Daily Worker News only to find someone had been there prior to me; someone who was eating breakfast.  What's that glob?  Why it's apricot jam.  How interesting.  Devoted Spouse saw me pull out the crutch, the camera, and open the paper and his words were:  "You can tell them you keep me around for my entertainment value."  Oh crap on a crutch.

It Mocks Me

I am not the world's best gardener.  Not that I don't try, I do.  My thumb seems to be brown, not green.  It is only through the grace of God that flowers and the occasional tomato do arrive in my back yard; not by my hard work.

The other day I noticed a rather large weed growing out of our driveway and I remarked to my husband, "Hmm, look at the size of that weed growing up through the concrete."  That casual remark was designed to spur him to run into the garage and grab the RoundUp weed killer and be manly man and kill that weed.  He was busy and that's okay, too.

This morning, on my way to the car, I noticed that very large weed now had a lovely purple flower on it -- well, would you look at that!!  It's a Morning Glory -- growing right in my driveway.  Oh, by the way, I planted at least a hundred Morning Glory seeds throughout areas of my backyard along the fence and d'ya think any of those grew?  Nope, not a one arrived and let's face it...Morning Glories are the world's simplest flowers to grow next to a dandelion.  No, my Morning Glory was dropped by some flipping bird on its way over my house and this amazing flower is now flourishing in my driveway. I give up.  Oh crap on a crutch...

Yikes! Now I'm Writing Excuses to AMVETS

Yes, once again I find myself having to explain EmmaLou, Golden Destroyer's bad behavior to someone.  Thursday evening I had two large trash bags packed with goodies for AMVETS to pick up.  The bags were placed close to our front door so Devoted Spouse could put them on front porch first thing Friday morning.  The nice AMVETS lady always sends me a postcard which is supposed to be attached to one of the bags.  I attached the postcard and within five minutes I walked back into the foyer to find EmmaLou, Golden Destroyer, had ripped the postcard off the bag and had it in tatters all over the floor.  Out came the scotch tape and I actually found myself writing a note on the card to the nice AMVETS people - "Sorry - Dog chewed card."  I am soon to be the laughing stock of AMVETS.... Oh crap on a crutch!

The Things One Finds Under the Family Couch (Gasp!)

So there we were, Devoted Spouse and I, Pastor Steve, and another nice gentleman from the church, all moving my couch, love seat, and that antique glass coffee table to a truck to be delivered to our church for their Flea Market on Saturday. It's way past time for the furniture to get a new home and with my balance lately I just know I'm gonna take a header into that glass coffee table.  Ya'll know that flowery couch I'm talking about -- you've seen it in enough EmmaLou pictures...here this will remind you:

Anyway, it was on its way out of the living room when lo and behold we found treasure under the couch.  I couldn't believe my eyes -- there on the floor was the following:

Yes, your eyes do not deceive you -- two guns were under my living room couch unbeknownst to me.  The one closest to the crutch is an Italian Flintlock (a Pedersoli for those of you who are into guns) and the one on the top was in Devoted Spouse's family -- it dates to before the Civil War and it's a percussion cap Kentucky rifle made by CM Cox.  Ummmm.... both of these pieces of treasure NOW reside in the gun safe, thank you very much.  I thought I'd beat Pastor Steve to the web with this story!  Oh crap on a crutch...

Wait a Minute...YOU'RE the Expert

One of my favorite retail sites is Amazon.com.  I obtain quite a few of my books there, both hard copy, and e-books for my Kindle.  To keep up-to-date on my favorite authors, I signed up for an email newsletter which announces the latest titles in the genres of reading material I enjoy.  Sounds simple so far, eh?  For the past couple of months I have received a newsletter on the latest books of that particular month...and it's entirely in code.  Ya know... this stuff:  <style> img {display: block;} .ai {display:inline;} td {line-height:12px;} </style > <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="654" align="center" bgcolor="#ffffff" > <tr> <td alignof  I emailed them with the issue and they wrote back:  "Check your email preferences and make sure you have marked 'HTML with text and pictures'".  I checked and sure enough that's what I had requested.  The next month here comes the newsletter once again in code.  I emailed the issue and THIS time they tell me to make my preference "text only."  I don't WANT text only - I want to SEE the picture of the book.   I'm a consumer...I like to see what I may or may not be buying.  It seems to me this should be a pretty simple fix on their end.  Because it is being handled by someone who obviously doesn't understand the issue...I have my own solution.  I canceled all the newsletters from Amazon.com.  Oh crap on a crutch....

Paint FAIL

It was only a matter of time.  The painters have done such a good job.  But stuff happens.  This morning my painters arrived with 2 more gallons of stain/paint as the fence is simply sucking it up like a sponge (speaking of my aching checking account....) And then the inevitable happened.  Painter Jr. kicked the bucket.  Literally -- well it was an accident of course...but 2 gallons of yellow paint rolled down the yard.  I managed to catch a pic as he was hosing it off - this is what is left - I can't imagine what it DID look like. And yes...Painter Sr. just left for the paint store and I'm hunting for my checkbook...Oh crap on a crutch! 

Mr. Coffee Died a Horrible Death Today

All I wanted was a cup of coffee.  EmmaLou, Golden Destroyer had awakened me at the horrid hour of 5:00 a.m. and I was definitely foggy-headed.  Fortunately the night before, Devoted Spouse had prepared the coffee pot -- all I had to do was press the On button.  I pressed the On button.  About 10 minutes later I heard the lovely "ding" sound that means the coffee is ready.  I rushed to the kitchen in anticipation and found Mr. Coffee had a terminal case of coffee coming out his bottom - literally there was coffee (all 10 cups) all over my counter and dripping down onto cupboards and floor.  I did a quick mopping up (to save the cupboards and some longabarger baskets in danger of drowning) prior to this pic.  Another Mr. Coffee bites the dust.  Never again.  No, never again.  Oh crap on a crutch.

Golden Destroyer Hits The Jackpot While I'm Gone

Here is a picture of our bed - with a very nice quilt set on it - cost big bucks, trust me.

And here is a pic of what happens when Mom is away, Dad forgets to close the door to our room and EmmaLou has her way with the cotton quilt:

What Part of Defective Don't You Understand?

I've been gone on a mini-vacation in SC for awhile.  Before I left the laptop from Hades went back to Best Buy because after 3 months, the keys on the keyboard had simply rubbed off and the power cord was frayed.  I come home to discover that my wonderful husband has picked up my laptop which now has a gorgeous new (and upgraded I might add) keyboard and a new power cord.  I am so happy.  I can stop trying to update my status on Face Book with my cell phone which was killing my thumbs.  So...imagine my surprise when I plug in my laptop, move it to my lap yesterday and notice something "shining" in the light -- what could that shiny stuff be???  Nooooooo - another defective power cord - the wiring is SPLIT and so this puppy is going to Best Buy as soon as they open this morning and the crazy redhead with the Irish temper is gonna have a little talk with the "Geek Squad". Since I don't have a macro lens on my camera it's hard to get close enough for ya'll to see - but the spot where the blue cap of my pen is pointing is frayed - trust me on this; the wire is split open.    Oh crap on a crutch.

My Life is a "Pearls Before Swine" Episode Waiting to Be Drawn

Yes I know I'm supposed to be studying.  Now I'm behind because I had difficulty narrowing down my research paper even though Mentor Hal gave me some wonderful help -- it wasn't enough.  So the two ink cartridges and about 4 reams of paper of potential journal articles I could have used have now gone in the dumpster - yes I am adding to the ecological nightmare.  Sue me.  I have a new topic and a new direction but it's still crap - what do I know about the Theodicies of Evil -- I just know there is an evil presence on my shoulder who forces...yes, forces...me to go to Stephen Pastis' website and read his comic strip Pearls Before Swine  (if I forget to read it in the morning paper) and I have decided he and I were separated at birth because he as twisted and punny as I. Here's his blog and it's funny, too.  So for your pleasure while I am in this ridiculously difficult and time-consuming Masters Program - I have added a Pearls Before Swine Widget to the sidebar so everyday you can read his strip and laugh while remembering I am sitting at this library table which is heaped with crap - the detritus of school - textbooks, papers, reference books from my own library, and my ever present Manual for Writers (de rigeur for this Seminary).  And the picture that shows one of my Theology textbooks next to my laptop???  Hard to see, but on my laptop I have Stephen Pastis webpage....not my research....Oh crap on a crutch.

But We've Already Planted Tomatoes and Peppers...

A couple of days ago Devoted Spouse planted a few tomato plants and some green and red pepper plants for me in our garden.  We have much more to plant, but this is a start.  Usually we don't put anything in the ground until after Mother's Day -- as here in OH you can still get a frost up until that time.  So what is forecast for tonight and tomorrow night?  FROST - We grabbed all the dog towels we could find and some bricks and the garden looks like something from the Addams Family!  Oh crap on a crutch!

New Groomer Needs to Have HER Nails Clipped Grrrrr

EmmaLou, Golden Destroyer visited a different groomer today and when we picked her up she looked nice and clean.  Little did we know the groomer had cut a nail waaaaaay too far down and poor little EmmaLou was bleeding like a stuck pig.  You should have seen our back seat - looked like something died in it.  It took about ten minutes of me and Devoted Spouse holding her down with him cooing at her to calm her while I held a damp paper towel and applied pressure to her little paw until it stopped bleeding.  In the meantime, there was blood all over my carpet, all over the couch which fortunately had a towel on it and gobs of paper towels soaking up the mess - the pic shows some leaflets we had in the back seat that she walked on and you can see huge streaks of blood.  I just wannt go to that groomer and grab the nail clippers and clip HER nail til it bleeds and see how SHE feels. Don't mess w/my fur-child!  Oh crap on a crutch!

Poor little girl is so traumatized she just sort of fell over and decided she needed a nap!  My poor baby.

Yes It IS All About Me & My Crap!

Usually the crap in my life concerns something in or around my life; some little piddly thing that affects my life, but doesn't have a serious impact.  Usually these postings are just about your normal everyday life crap.  Right?  Right.  Now I find myself really in crap - crap of my own.  After living with the aftermath of what I like to call the Ice Incident of 2009, the recovery on my back is going in the wrong direction.  Therefore, I become the Crap in my own blog - ladies and gentlemen, say hello to me and my crutch and my back which is about to begin a month of physical therapy 3 times a week.  Here we go again.  Oh crap on a crutch!

Crap in My Life; Now There's Crap on My Fence...Grrrr

So I'm walking around the property to see what maintenance we need to do -- what needs to be worked on in various flower beds, etc.  I stop at the side of our house and notice this massive, humongous pile of branches and pieces of tree all piled up in front of the fence.  It puzzles me.  Then I have the a-ha moment; last fall when Mick the Housepainter was painting the house, Devoted Spouse had to do some severe cutting of a lovely tree whose branches rested against the window of my craft   crap   library   home office in order for Mick to be able to paint.  What didn't occur to me was that he would LEAVE all that crap up against the fence and what HE doesn't understand is that under that crap USED to be quite a few tulips and other perrenials who are all now gasping for their last breath.  In the picture below you probably can't see the one faint struggling tulip trying to force its way thru.   Oh crap on a crutch!

We're Still Being Invaded

Yes it rained again.  And no I'm not alone - I'm surrounded by worms in the hallway - little buggers are still climbing in over threshold to take comfort in my home.  And EmmaLou, Golden Destroyer is ignoring them.  Great golden huntress.  She'll eat a dead bird but ignores a worm on the move.  Gah.  Devoted Spouse was supposed to get new weatherstripping.  Guess who hasn't done that yet?  Here are a couple of new varmints.  And below you will see Devoted Spouse's solution to worm invasion.  I would prefer he put in the new weatherstripping.  Oh crap on a crutch!

Ya Wanna Hear Crap That Irritates Me?

I have two other blogs over on the WordPress platform as most of you know  Crone and Bear It and Parchment Monkey  I'd like to add a widget for The Library Thing to Crone and Bear It  - this is a great widget that shows the books you are currently reading or have read.  With that simple widget I could ditch the extra pages Currently Reading and 2010 Books Read and save a lot of time and effort.  But WordPress won't allow this type of widget.  Come on - fix whatever it is you need to do to allow java or flash or whatever it is you are concerned about.  Blogger does just fine.  If I had the time, I would transfer my other two blogs over here to Blogger - but that is too big a job right now.  So if you want to see some of my books - I now have Library Thing here on Oh Crap on a Crutch.  As for WordPress and their widget fidget ...oh crap on a crutch! 

Crap...No, Really it's Crap

Devoted Spouse takes EmmaLou, Golden Destroyer for a walk to check neighborhood peemail every morning.  Like the good citizen he is, he takes along some paper and a plastic bag in case EmmaLou makes a poop deposit along the way he can clean it up.  The issue is what Devoted Spouse then does with that plastic bag of poop.  I am not making this up...on his way into the house via the garage, he casually tosses the bag toward our bushes in front of our house - really he does!  It drive me insane to walk by the house and see various plastic bags of poop just laying in the mulch next to a bush and behind one of the perennials. Look closely at the pic and you will see a white plastic bag and a blue plastic bag.  This is in the FRONT of our house so anyone coming to our front door must pass by the dog poop-container walk of shame.   Regardless of how much I pester him Devoted Spouse persists in this behavior and refuses to pick up the bags until the evening prior to Trash Truck Day.  Gah...  Oh crap on a crutch!