I've Been Breathing WHAT???!!!

Most of you know appliances and me are like oil and water -- we don't mix well.  Whatever appliance I have is guaranteed to either break or malfunction.  Trust me on this.

In mid December we replaced the last appliance in this house that hadn't gone kaput -- the gas hot water heater.  Fortunately, we caught it at the slight leak stage, not the 50-gallon flood stage (been there, done that, got the flippin' merit badge). 

Out comes our handy-dandy Appliance Company/Plumber/Heater/AC/All-Around Do Everything With Appliances Company to take away old gas hot water heater and install new "energy-efficient" gas hot water heater and charge us the equivalent of a mortgage payment.  Ouch.  Woot.  It's done.  I can breathe easier...and do the dishes once more.

The day before Christmas we receive a postcard in the mail from our County Plumbing Inspector notifying us that the "Company" took out a permit to install the gas hot water heater.  Thus, the County must come inspect.

This morning (27 Dec 2010) a rather surly fellow appears at my door.  "Good morning," I say in my chipper voice.  "D'ya know that having your water hose still attached to your faucet out front means in Spring that faucet will break?" he snarls at me.   "You must be Scott," I reply, my teeth beginning to grind. 

I yell upstairs for Devoted Spouse....no answer.  Scott-the-Inspector says, "I can find it by myself."  With my happy face...I flipped on the basement light and said, "Knock yourself out." 

I returned to my Twittering and Frittering.

Devoted Spouse meanders to the basement in search of  Scott-the-Inspector.  I hear rumbles and grumbles and heavy footsteps.  Ruh-Roh.

Scott-the-Inspector whips out his cell phone and makes a call.  Looks at me in my comfy chair and mutters something about a pipe not installed correctly and he has to call a plumber.  Oopsie - we failed inspection.

Oopsie again -- Scott-the-Installer called the wrong plumber.  Snort.  The correct installers are on their way.  Devoted Spouse is leaving to volunteer at church.  That's a good thing because he doesn't want to be here when the "Company" arrives.  This redheaded-stepchild is workin' up quite a head of steam -- you see for the past few weeks we have been living in a house and breathing what Scott-the-Inspector terms, "gas exhaust".  Now I realize that's not the same as a gas leak -- but it can't be good. The "Company" Field Rep and the General Manager for their Plumbing Operations WILL be accompanying the repair crew today.  Don't mess with the red-headed stepchild... Oh Crap on a Crutch.


That space right above the bottom rung of crutch is a separation in the pipe.  Nasty!



The Fail here is the white cap above the water heater but below that silver pipe should not be tilting downward

All That and the Kitchen Sink Too

All I wanted was some non-softened water to feed my plants.  So off I trot to the faucet in the kitchen with the Brita filter on it.  Ez Pz right?  Wrong.  It won't give filtered water.  The little green light that's supposed to blink several times then stop to signifiy the water is "safe" to drink was a steady green.  Now, Devoted Spouse had replaced the filter not long ago.  Shoot...he even went so far as to put a new battery in this thing.  And still it defied me with it's stupid non-blinking green light.  My plants were suffering the effects.

Off I trot to Bed, Bath & Beyond w/my 20% coupon in hand to buy a new filter.  Aha, I think to myself...I'm going to be smart and buy a different type of filter this time.  Say "hello" to my new little PUR filter... oh and guess what?  It spurts water like a flippin' geyser every time you turn on the tap -- Devoted Spouse assures me it just isn't a tight enough fit yet.  I'm thinkin' my appliance curse has now reared it's ugly head once again....

   

A Lil Somethin' Extra in my News Today

I don't ask for much.  I don't expect much.  That way I'm not disappointed.  I subscribe to our city newspaper even though most of it is news I have already located online. I don't always care for the politics but that's not really relevant to this story.  There is something about physically turning over each page in a newspaper that I find satisfying.  Tactile.  Can't get that from my Kindle. Today I got to the OpEd section of my Dayton Daily Worker News only to find someone had been there prior to me; someone who was eating breakfast.  What's that glob?  Why it's apricot jam.  How interesting.  Devoted Spouse saw me pull out the crutch, the camera, and open the paper and his words were:  "You can tell them you keep me around for my entertainment value."  Oh crap on a crutch.

It Mocks Me

I am not the world's best gardener.  Not that I don't try, I do.  My thumb seems to be brown, not green.  It is only through the grace of God that flowers and the occasional tomato do arrive in my back yard; not by my hard work.

The other day I noticed a rather large weed growing out of our driveway and I remarked to my husband, "Hmm, look at the size of that weed growing up through the concrete."  That casual remark was designed to spur him to run into the garage and grab the RoundUp weed killer and be manly man and kill that weed.  He was busy and that's okay, too.

This morning, on my way to the car, I noticed that very large weed now had a lovely purple flower on it -- well, would you look at that!!  It's a Morning Glory -- growing right in my driveway.  Oh, by the way, I planted at least a hundred Morning Glory seeds throughout areas of my backyard along the fence and d'ya think any of those grew?  Nope, not a one arrived and let's face it...Morning Glories are the world's simplest flowers to grow next to a dandelion.  No, my Morning Glory was dropped by some flipping bird on its way over my house and this amazing flower is now flourishing in my driveway. I give up.  Oh crap on a crutch...

This Ain't No Trading Spaces

I absolutely hate, loathe, and abhor the time period known as 'redecorating'.  Ack.  It's driving me totally over the edge.  My dining room is unusable because it holds all the crap that was in the living room antique armoire.  My living room is unusable because... well...it's still being painted!  What's truly annoying is even though there is just the first coat, these pictures don't show you how lovely this shade of green is. Ack. You will just have to trust me that Mountain Haze from Behr Paint is a gorgeous color for a living room.  I know..I know... it will look better when the furniture arrives and all is put back where it belongs.  In the meantime,  EmmaLou, Golden Destroyer is distraught at being literally barred from both rooms by baby gates. And I can't even use my comfy chair because that will get in the way of Handsome Paint Dude. And, without hurting his feelings, how do I tactfully tell him he missed a spot over here...and over there... and oh gah... oh crap on a crutch... 

This used to be my dining room ACK



Part of my unusable living room & my lonely comfy chair  sob



Not gettin' me up on that ladder, no sir

Yikes! Now I'm Writing Excuses to AMVETS

Yes, once again I find myself having to explain EmmaLou, Golden Destroyer's bad behavior to someone.  Thursday evening I had two large trash bags packed with goodies for AMVETS to pick up.  The bags were placed close to our front door so Devoted Spouse could put them on front porch first thing Friday morning.  The nice AMVETS lady always sends me a postcard which is supposed to be attached to one of the bags.  I attached the postcard and within five minutes I walked back into the foyer to find EmmaLou, Golden Destroyer, had ripped the postcard off the bag and had it in tatters all over the floor.  Out came the scotch tape and I actually found myself writing a note on the card to the nice AMVETS people - "Sorry - Dog chewed card."  I am soon to be the laughing stock of AMVETS.... Oh crap on a crutch!

The Things One Finds Under the Family Couch (Gasp!)

So there we were, Devoted Spouse and I, Pastor Steve, and another nice gentleman from the church, all moving my couch, love seat, and that antique glass coffee table to a truck to be delivered to our church for their Flea Market on Saturday. It's way past time for the furniture to get a new home and with my balance lately I just know I'm gonna take a header into that glass coffee table.  Ya'll know that flowery couch I'm talking about -- you've seen it in enough EmmaLou pictures...here this will remind you:

Anyway, it was on its way out of the living room when lo and behold we found treasure under the couch.  I couldn't believe my eyes -- there on the floor was the following:

Yes, your eyes do not deceive you -- two guns were under my living room couch unbeknownst to me.  The one closest to the crutch is an Italian Flintlock (a Pedersoli for those of you who are into guns) and the one on the top was in Devoted Spouse's family -- it dates to before the Civil War and it's a percussion cap Kentucky rifle made by CM Cox.  Ummmm.... both of these pieces of treasure NOW reside in the gun safe, thank you very much.  I thought I'd beat Pastor Steve to the web with this story!  Oh crap on a crutch...